Ritual appreciation
May. 25th, 2006 11:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
constanceI've been thinking this week about this post on metafilter, which asks a simple question and in the comments section becomes a study in contrast, the ways people look at etiquette. How can I show you respect? How can you show me respect? How can I put you in your place? How can you put me in my place? And of course the most important question of all: Which fucking hand do I use to hold my fork?
I'm a big fan of etiquette -- I've got stacks of books on the topic, and I love listening to people talk about it. I don't come by my (somewhat meager) social skills naturally, see, and it makes me happy that there are basic rules I can follow to make things easier, for me and for everyone else as well. Shortcuts, you know. Things that -- so my mama, who is one of those people who's made a successful career of putting people at ease, taught me -- say, without actually spelling it out, that I have some consideration for the people around me and the world I live in, want to make things more comfortable for all of us. I'm interested, too, in an anthropological sense, in the ways people wield manners as weapons, and in the many ways people can get it wrong as they forget and misunderstand; but primarily, I'm in it so's to put some positive structure into my world.
How do you feel about it? And have you learned any manners that you'll never let go?
I'm a big fan of etiquette -- I've got stacks of books on the topic, and I love listening to people talk about it. I don't come by my (somewhat meager) social skills naturally, see, and it makes me happy that there are basic rules I can follow to make things easier, for me and for everyone else as well. Shortcuts, you know. Things that -- so my mama, who is one of those people who's made a successful career of putting people at ease, taught me -- say, without actually spelling it out, that I have some consideration for the people around me and the world I live in, want to make things more comfortable for all of us. I'm interested, too, in an anthropological sense, in the ways people wield manners as weapons, and in the many ways people can get it wrong as they forget and misunderstand; but primarily, I'm in it so's to put some positive structure into my world.
How do you feel about it? And have you learned any manners that you'll never let go?
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 05:32 am (UTC)Specific things, hm, I can't think of any. Re what Laurel says above, I do like titles of respect - including Mr, Mrs, Ms, Miss. I remember playgroup when our first kids were just starting to talk. We were all sitting around talking about how we wanted to be addressed by everyone else's children. I was the only one who wanted to teach my kid to say "Ms. such and such" rather than use first names. Everyone else was uncomfortable with the title. I think that does the kids a disservice. They need to learn how to address grownups respectfully - that much casualness causes confusion. Eh, I could go on about this forever. Sorry. : )
no subject
Date: 2006-05-29 03:16 am (UTC)I'm a huge Miss Manners fan as well. I know someone who's met her and says she's kind of snotty in real life, but I have a hard time believing that, given her stance that there's no excuse for a lapse in graciousness, ever. But then again, I could just be in denial, given that my worldview puts Miss Manners in a place of honor and it would be devastating for me to have to take her off her pedestal. :)