Writing exercise

[constance]

As someone who may not be a professional writer but is still conscious of trying to balance some sort of writing style with a certain shall we say accessibility, I feel as though sometimes I ought to check and make sure my Gentle Readers are still with me, you know? My particular livejournal universe has been so quiet lately that the lack of comments on my journal is easily explained. But still, in manner of hopelessly neurotic dipshit, I wonder: have I lost you? Sometimes, I do wonder.

So by way of experiment, I propose a little informal stylistic check: I am going to tell you a story in two different ways, and I am hoping you'll oblige me by reading and offering your preference, and I will do my best to hold your interest by sticking to that style. Okay, ready?

The Title of the story is "I Nearly Crashed My Car today."

The Straightforward Version:

I nearly crashed my car today.



The Stream-of-Consciousness Version:

wow i am so not in the mood for my usual dinner tonight maybe i'll get a salad from arby's instead i really need to start my laundry and also clear off my desk but it probably won't happen tonight one day i will just stop my car and take pictures of that building oh my god get out of the fast lane dickhead and by the way thanks for the signal i wonder if i should dye my hair i think i should maybe i'll stop at the drugstore and just get some dye and then i'll have to do it or maybe i'll write the story of harry potter and the existential crisis or no i really should write a letter to big mama instead and oh god i have at least four packages to mail out OH YEAH I AM DRIVING A LARGE PIECE OF MACHINERY AT FIFTY MILES PER HOUR I SHOULD MAYBE PAY ATTENTION HOLY FUCKING CHRIST THAT IS A LARGE SUV PULLING OUT IN FRONT OF ME OH MY GOD HERE IS A REDLIGHT IT IS RED AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH BURNING RUBBER REALLY REALLY STINKS MAN shit everybody is staring at me how embarrassing oh look there's the drugstore i think i really will get some hair dye.




So what do you think?

Comments

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

I'm just disappointed that the second version didn't continue on after the adrenaline rush had faded, all the way through dinner (liquid or otherwise), and on into the evening's activities, whether hair-dyeing, mosquito-slapping porch-sittin', or whatever else might have been on the schedule for tonight. But that's just me; I know there are people out there who are all about the brevity. I try, but I cannot embrace it.

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

P.S. What an excellent journal background design! It looks like a closeup of a skirt I would have tried on today if they'd had more sizes than just XL.

[tofty.livejournal.com]

I am all about the XLs. Too bad I don't live in your town--that sounds like a really excellent skirt!

[tofty.livejournal.com]

That is one of the many things I love about you, that you are all about the details! I did have the salad for dinner, and I did dye my hair and OH MY GOSH IS IT BRIGHT, and I spent the rest of the evening checking for interesting HP news and working on the NYT crossword (this week's is a hard one!) with iTunes playing in the background.

No porch time, alas. I should have gone outside, but I didn't because WHAT IF I HAD MISSED SOME SORT OF CRUCIAL HARRY POTTER NEWS? I ASK YOU.

You have given me an idea, though--maybe I will spend the weekend reading on the porch, if the weather's nice.