Writing exercise

[constance]

As someone who may not be a professional writer but is still conscious of trying to balance some sort of writing style with a certain shall we say accessibility, I feel as though sometimes I ought to check and make sure my Gentle Readers are still with me, you know? My particular livejournal universe has been so quiet lately that the lack of comments on my journal is easily explained. But still, in manner of hopelessly neurotic dipshit, I wonder: have I lost you? Sometimes, I do wonder.

So by way of experiment, I propose a little informal stylistic check: I am going to tell you a story in two different ways, and I am hoping you'll oblige me by reading and offering your preference, and I will do my best to hold your interest by sticking to that style. Okay, ready?

The Title of the story is "I Nearly Crashed My Car today."

The Straightforward Version:

I nearly crashed my car today.



The Stream-of-Consciousness Version:

wow i am so not in the mood for my usual dinner tonight maybe i'll get a salad from arby's instead i really need to start my laundry and also clear off my desk but it probably won't happen tonight one day i will just stop my car and take pictures of that building oh my god get out of the fast lane dickhead and by the way thanks for the signal i wonder if i should dye my hair i think i should maybe i'll stop at the drugstore and just get some dye and then i'll have to do it or maybe i'll write the story of harry potter and the existential crisis or no i really should write a letter to big mama instead and oh god i have at least four packages to mail out OH YEAH I AM DRIVING A LARGE PIECE OF MACHINERY AT FIFTY MILES PER HOUR I SHOULD MAYBE PAY ATTENTION HOLY FUCKING CHRIST THAT IS A LARGE SUV PULLING OUT IN FRONT OF ME OH MY GOD HERE IS A REDLIGHT IT IS RED AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH BURNING RUBBER REALLY REALLY STINKS MAN shit everybody is staring at me how embarrassing oh look there's the drugstore i think i really will get some hair dye.




So what do you think?

Comments

[sunkentreasure.livejournal.com]

You are just the cutest, cute girl ever!
I am glad you are still alive so I can tell you that.

[tofty.livejournal.com]

I am lad I am still alive so I can tell you that I miss you! I really do. I hope you're okay.

[sunkentreasure.livejournal.com]

I am ok. I hope you are ok as well.

Too bad I can't type.

[tofty.livejournal.com]

g

[woodyinvincible.livejournal.com]

I like the second one better, but that's just me.

[tofty.livejournal.com]

okay then i believe that from now on my entries will be this single sentence all-lower-case bonanza of brain farts this is excellent news since my writing style is actually pretty close to this anyway.

(Any news about Mr. Bob?)

[woodyinvincible.livejournal.com]

According to Catie he's now out of ICU, but I didn't even know he was in ICU so I'm not the best source of info.

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

I'm just disappointed that the second version didn't continue on after the adrenaline rush had faded, all the way through dinner (liquid or otherwise), and on into the evening's activities, whether hair-dyeing, mosquito-slapping porch-sittin', or whatever else might have been on the schedule for tonight. But that's just me; I know there are people out there who are all about the brevity. I try, but I cannot embrace it.

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

P.S. What an excellent journal background design! It looks like a closeup of a skirt I would have tried on today if they'd had more sizes than just XL.

[tofty.livejournal.com]

I am all about the XLs. Too bad I don't live in your town--that sounds like a really excellent skirt!

[tofty.livejournal.com]

That is one of the many things I love about you, that you are all about the details! I did have the salad for dinner, and I did dye my hair and OH MY GOSH IS IT BRIGHT, and I spent the rest of the evening checking for interesting HP news and working on the NYT crossword (this week's is a hard one!) with iTunes playing in the background.

No porch time, alas. I should have gone outside, but I didn't because WHAT IF I HAD MISSED SOME SORT OF CRUCIAL HARRY POTTER NEWS? I ASK YOU.

You have given me an idea, though--maybe I will spend the weekend reading on the porch, if the weather's nice.

[disdainty.livejournal.com]

OPTION TWO PLEASE :D

[tofty.livejournal.com]

ALL RIGHT THEN JUST PREPARE YOURSELF ;D

[kickthebeat.livejournal.com]

I am really, truly glad you are not dead. Hair dye! I hope you bought some. :x

[tofty.livejournal.com]

All silliness aside, I really am too. The SUV was a Navigator--one of the monster ones. If I'd hit it going 50! O_o

I did get the hair dye! My hair is now a virulent shade of light reddish blonde. Or actually, it is just orangey-red.

[kickthebeat.livejournal.com]

Hurray for life; hurray for hair dye (though, orangey-red? how do you feel about this?); hurray for your e.e. cummings-styled HP-verse being linked in Boing Boing Thursday afternoon. I feel like I know a celebrity now. :x

[tofty.livejournal.com]

The nice thing about red hair dye is that it starts fading almost immediately. So I think it'll be okay in a week or so. For now I am just like one of the those old retired ladies you see who are ninety years old with flaming orange hair and you can see their scalps through.

I am going to buy my gold lame Keds and my super organizer pocketbook and my fold-up rain hat after work today. Want to ride along?