top five nicknames for the dog
Yeah, I know I was going to tell you five things I love about my boss, but after this morning, I can't think of anything except that he's alive and therefore fueling lots of grisly fantasies wherein I torture him slowly then kill him. So you get this instead, and I'll tackle the boss thing another day. I know; but please try to contain your sorrow.
- Buki (short for Kabuki, on account of he looks like he's wearing a Kabuki mask)
- Fluffmeister/Fluffmaestro/Fluffmonster
- Flea-ory
- Dude (always said in tones of flat disgust)
- Oh-my-God-if-you-don't-leave-that-cat-alone-right-now-I-will-kill-you-where-you-stand (unwieldy, but evocative)
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Barnabas the cat never ever gets called Barnabas. He shows no recognition when we say the word. He thinks his name is Boosh.
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And yeah -- both my pets have a long series of nicknames. Rachel just ignores me, and Leory responds to my voice, period, even when no names are mentioned. Typical, really.
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It does me good to see that other pets out there are laboring under a huge list of nicknames. I can't seem to help myself; to be fair, though, the children have as many as the dog. We can't even bring ourselves to call her "Phoebe" anymore. It sounds so foreign, after almost a full year of "Phoebus", "Phelboochoo", "Phelbuttcheeks", "Bustle", and "BusBusMaldiggy".
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1. Cat! Stop that!
2. OH MY GOD if you scratch that door again I will have you declawed
3. Don't you have a sister to play with? Why are you here?
4. OH MY GOD IF YOU SCRATCH ME AGAIN I SWEAR I WILL KICK YOU OUT OF MY HOUSE
It's still early. Lets see what else I can call them today.
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Me: AAAAAAAAAH QUIT JUMPING ON ME, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD