Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

[constance]

I was complaining the other day about not being able to use tooth-whitening strips, and my father informed me that there's a whitening mouthwash which is much easier to use than the strips. So I picked some up this afternoon on the way home from work, and I tried it out just now, and oh man, I did note when I bought it that it's hydrogen-peroxide-based, but it didn't actually occur to me that this stuff was going to foam in my mouth until I was oozing froth from all facial orifices.

Has anyone ever used this nightmarish stuff before? Is there a trick to it? Because otherwise I think I'm just going to have to live with teeth that are not perfectly white. I don't know if my delicate constitution can withstand swishing H₂O₂ for a minute at a time.

Comments

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

Just out of nosiness, why can't you use tooth whitening strips? Do they bother your gums?

[tofty.livejournal.com]

They don't physically bother me, exactly, but they cause me great and weird mental stress. It's related to the feeling I get when forced to breathe through my nose -- I'm okay breathing through my nose all day, but once my mouth is blocked, I feel as though I can't get enough air in my lungs and start to panic.

The whitening strips make me feel that my mouth is blocked. Which is ridiculous, but there you go.

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'm wondering along with imkalena why you can't use the strips. Maybe they freak you out, because they have to stay on for a while, and they make you talk funny? Personally, they give my teeth claustrophobia and then, midway through the weeklong (or is it two weeks?) process I get bored and wander off, and then my teeth stay not-celebrity-white AND I waste money.

I've never heard of the mouthwash before. Sounds excellent to put in the drink of someone you don't like, but as a remedy for not-blindingly-whiteness, I'd argue that it's easier than any other treatment if it makes you foam like a rabid squirrel!

[tofty.livejournal.com]

See my reply to imkalena (http://tofty.livejournal.com/98765.html?thread=983757#t983757) -- how's that for lazy? :D

I am happy to report that there is indeed a trick to using the mouthwash: only use about half as much as you (or in this case, I) would use of normal mouthwash. It's still on the gross side, but if I use less, I'm not spewing foam like a dishwasher filled with Dawn.

[octoberstory.livejournal.com]

Those strips suck the rigid cock of satan. If you have the slightest amount of saliva in your mouth, which, as, uh, mammals, WE TOTALLY DO, they don't seem to adhere properly. I saw so little difference. Way too labor intensive for the shoddy results. That, or I am incompetent...?

Why does the idea of you foaming madly make me laugh. >:E

[tofty.livejournal.com]

I'm not much good at them either, though that's not the main reason I don't use them -- but then, I fail at so many things like that. You should see me with a staple remover!

You're not the only one to laugh, dude. My mom laughed so hard she was wheezing on the phone. >:D

[octoberstory.livejournal.com]

>:E~~~~~~ WRRRREEEAAAAGGHHHHH *flobber* *spurt*