When your dreamboat turns out to be a footnote:

[constance]

I had the best dream last night. It was a dream about being in love, not about sex so much as that all-over-shivery overstimulated feeling, that feeling that you can't keep your voice at an even pitch, you can't stop thinking about the other person, your heart beats in your throat so you can't swallow. A touch on your arm or the small of your back sends you into transports of I can't believe this is happening to me. This was a sensual dream, again, not in a sexual sense, but in the sense that all senses were heightened and I was hyperaware of everything around me.

I am not normally a person who longs to be in love. I am wired to be more comfortable with solitude, really, and the older I get, the more at ease I am with that concept. But tonight is different. Tonight I really kind of want to chase that feeling I had when I woke up this morning, that feeling that walking through life was a waking, wonderful dream.

Tonight I wish I were in love.

Comments

[gmth.livejournal.com]

This post makes my heart hurt. Solitude isn't all it's cracked up to be, sometimes.

[tofty.livejournal.com]

It mostly is all it's cracked up to be. More than, I find, since solitude seems to have kind of a bad rap. But let's face it: being freshly in love is about the most fabulous thing there is. :/

[klynie1.livejournal.com]

You've described the feeling so well. ♥

I've become much more selective as I've got older, so the number of times that I experience that feeling with another person have greatly decreased. Yet I love the feeling.

This is probably really weird, but when I don't have someone special and I want to feel like that, I'll call the best restaurant in town and reserve a table for one, buy a ticket to the opera or a great play, dress to kill and give myself a night. I've noticed that when I do that, people take care of me. Even though they're strangers, there's the little connections that make me feel special - the touches as I'm escorted to a table, the conversations with the people sitting next to me at the play, the usher who moves me to a better seat because the ticket-holders never turned up. It's not the same, but then again it feels the same in a really strange way. I think of it as a romance between myself and the rest of the world. Totally corny I suppose, at least to others, but truly lovely for me. I end up feeling floaty for days afterward.

::hugs:: I wish I could give you that "in love" feeling. You deserve it.

[tofty.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a great idea, actually. I've never done the elegant-night-on-the-town before, exactly, but I've found that going places alone really does open me up to interactions with strangers. I mean, if I go to a concert with a group of friends, we stand around and talk to each other, but if I go alone, the bartenders give me free drinks, people standing nearby strike up conversations.

It's kind of scary and roller-coasterish for introverted me -- but since that's the feeling I'm supposed to be chasing... :)