Miss Someday Soon
Jun. 4th, 2005 11:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
constanceMy grandmother died early Wednesday morning. She signed her living will on Tuesday afternoon, they took her off oxygen, and she relaxed and held on for about twelve hours after that.
It's been a long week, and a hard one, and I thought when I got back to the hotel tonight I'd just fall into bed and sleep as long as I possibly could. But I am wide awake now, and I keep thinking of my mother who spent the last year mothering my grandmother; and my uncle, sleeping tonight on my other grandmother's nursing home sofa because my family is taking it in shifts to stay with her until she settles in; and my sister-in-law, whose mother died ten years to the day before my grandmother; and my friends who have lost parents or are having to deal with gradual loss.
I am feeling, tonight, an urge to call my mother, two floors down on the other side of the hotel. I want to wake her the way you want to wake a sleeping baby, just to make absolutely sure everything is all right. And I hate goodbyes even under the best of circumstances and I am terrible at letting go, and so I am decreeing: no more. I want everything to be all right, for all of us, for everyone reading this--as all right as it can be, for all our losses and disappointments so far--for ever, starting now.
Okay, then.
It's been a long week, and a hard one, and I thought when I got back to the hotel tonight I'd just fall into bed and sleep as long as I possibly could. But I am wide awake now, and I keep thinking of my mother who spent the last year mothering my grandmother; and my uncle, sleeping tonight on my other grandmother's nursing home sofa because my family is taking it in shifts to stay with her until she settles in; and my sister-in-law, whose mother died ten years to the day before my grandmother; and my friends who have lost parents or are having to deal with gradual loss.
I am feeling, tonight, an urge to call my mother, two floors down on the other side of the hotel. I want to wake her the way you want to wake a sleeping baby, just to make absolutely sure everything is all right. And I hate goodbyes even under the best of circumstances and I am terrible at letting go, and so I am decreeing: no more. I want everything to be all right, for all of us, for everyone reading this--as all right as it can be, for all our losses and disappointments so far--for ever, starting now.
Okay, then.
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Date: 2005-06-05 04:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-06 07:33 pm (UTC)Well, for all of us, really. It seems as though we have just had a lot of bad things happening around these parts, for a while now.
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