constance | In Which Harriet M. Welsch Makes the Baby Jesus Cry

Last night I spent twenty minutes looking for my copy of Harriet the Spy for costume research purposes and couldn't find it; I ended up pulling it up on Amazon just to see if they had what I needed and found this review of it:

Jesus Wept

This book is devoid of all morals. I encourage all parents to encourage your children to read really good children's literature, the BIBLE and forgo this trash. All of the characters are mean, and unlikable. I especially abhor the part when Harriet hangs the fetal pig in the school's stairwell. I homeschool all of our 7 children, and I read everything that I assign them to read. I couln't get past the first chapter of this book before I was ready to throw up in disgust.

So leaving aside the part where she just absolutely missed the point of Harriet (and made multiple grammatical, syntactical, and spelling errors while missing it) and therefore appeared to be a cretin, I was sort of fascinated by this one. She has seven children and she's educating them at home? She considers the Bible to be good children's literature? Sounds like my kind of Mom, really, and so I clicked on the link where you could read all her reviews, and this is the only one, which I guess means that she hated Harriet in particular enough to complain about it and only it. I mean, whatever. She's entitled to her opinion, I guess, even though I can't say I really have much patience with her ignorant vilification of one of my favorite books of all time.

You know what would be fun, though? I thought of this as I was working through my disappointment at finding only one review under her profile. To create a profile and do nothing but trash great novels by calling them godless and immoral. So that when someone clicked on the profile you created, they'd see nothing but faith-based haranguing and exhortations to read the Only Worthwhile Literature There Is: like, the BIBLE and Tim Lahaye, for example. "Wuthering Heights was so much useless garbage! Heathcliff set a terrible example for our young people. If you want to read one of our great lady authors, try Barbara Johnson's God's Most Precious Jewels Are Crystallized Tears!"

The danger, of course, being that people will always take you seriously when you say things like that. Take me, for example.

:::

ETA: A Conversation I Had Today, Or: The Proudest Moment of My Life :D:D:D

Coworker: Who are you supposed to be?
Me: *brandishes notebook and accessories* I'm Harriet the Spy.
Coworker: Oh! Oh! You know what? You are so perfect a Harriet the Spy that that is almost not even a costume.
Me: *______*

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Joe Orton did that. Whenever he felt as though the controversy over his plays was flagging, he'd send outraged letters to the local news under the pseudonym 'Mrs. Edna Welthorpe'. They were masterpieces of moral indignation.

I'm having deja vu. I must have mentioned something about that to you lately, over dinner or...? *scratches head*

You did! I can't remember in what context, but I do remember this, and I remember that it came from you. XD

That would be fun! Think of all the Satan-worshipping, morally bankrupt, lying, cheating, stealin' stuff those Ingalls girls did! And what about that harlot, Anne Shirley?

Man, don't get me started on that slut Anne Shirley. Anne of Green Gables? Windy Poplars? Anne of The Seventh Circle of Hell, more like. >:O

Count Olaf is an instrument of God.

HAVE YOU READ THE PENULTIMATE PERIL YET.

Holding out for THE DAMNABLE DENOUEMENT.

Wait...

IS THIS AN ACTUAL BOOK THAT IS OUT NOW?!
*runs to Amazon*

OMG!!!! I am totally going to B&N to read that tomorrow! :D I lost track of time. Is it good?! It sounds good.

It was good, but overall I was less impressed with it than with the last two or three. I won't say anything else until you've read it, for fear of spoiling it, though. :X

Haha! Do you know how many times I read Harriet the Spy when I was a kid? So many times I can't remember, but it must be at least a dozen. I loved Harriet so much. I had a Harriet-style notebook, of course. Looking back I reckon she was an early influence on my career.

Looking back I reckon she was an early influence on my career

What I reckon is that she is an influence, directly or indirectly, on every kid who ever read the book and ended up writing. Or at least that is to say this: I feel the same way.

I fully support the idea of playing with people's heads, so go you! But you know, I've never read Harriet the Spy. Umm... a fetal pig hanging over a stairwell? wtf?

Okay, I expect you to read the book by next Thursday and write a two-page book report on it.

In Which Harriet M. Welsch Makes the Baby Jesus Cry

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SMITE THE ORPHANS

Cout Olaf: I look like the wrath of God.

Re: Cout Olaf: I look like the wrath of God.

Re: Cout Olaf: I look like the wrath of God.

Re: Cout Olaf: I look like the wrath of God.

Re: Cout Olaf: I look like the wrath of God.

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