QUIT IT. QUIT IT. QUIT IT.

[constance]

Dear Universe,

First of all, it was nice of you to feel badly, after last night's bitchy post, that I wasn't going to be able to spend five dollars on a paper nautilus-shell lamp at IKEA today. Really, I'm kind of touched that you care. But I wish you hadn't sent my parents' friends' aunt to the hospital so that I could go, because that just kind of makes me feel like I'm some asshole with a secret monkey's paw that I don't know about that is just waiting for the chance to really fuck my life up BUT GOOD.

So. Well, thanks for that, kind of, and no thanks, too. Next time just ask, okay? Just say, "Cammy, would you rather look at really cheap goodlooking household items while feeling obscurely guilty and not a little paranoid, or keep your parents' friends happy and their relatives safe?" If, you know, it's not too much trouble.

Really, though, that's not the reason I'm writing; that's a minor consideration compared to the hell which you are putting me through as regards the 10-day forecasts on weather.com. Did you think I wouldn't notice? Did you think I wouldn't notice that every day I look at the forecast and it tells me that today will be 97 degrees with a heat index of 108 and it will still feel like 98 degrees at 10:00pm, and tomorrow will probably be that hot too, but after that, honestly, it's going to cool down to a respectable 88 or thereabouts, and life will be infinitely better after that. It says that every day. Every day the temperature drop is two days away, and it never gets any closer.

THAT IS NOT EVEN A LITTLE FUNNY, GODDAMN IT. QUIT TAUNTING ME, UNIVERSE, OR I WILL SUMMON MY MUZAK POWERS TO DESTROY YOU. I CAN DO IT, TOO. JUST ASK disdainty. SHE KNOWS.

Hope you have a good week.

Yours cordially,

Cammy

Comments

[woodyinvincible.livejournal.com]

DAMN YOUR HOODOO!! *shakes fist*

[tofty.livejournal.com]

Sorry to be destroying the universe with you still in it and all, but DAMN IT JUSTICE MUST BE SERVED.

Maybe before I do that, though, I'll use my hoodoo powers to take over Kate Hudson's body and get to know Peter Sarsgaard. Yeah, I think that's what I'll do. So you have a few days left--I hope you enjoy them.

[disdainty.livejournal.com]

PLZ SPARE AUSTRALIA FROM YOUR EVAL MUZAK POWERS-O

[tofty.livejournal.com]

Well, it cooled off, here, so we are at a pretty low threat level right now. I will consider sparing Australia when next I threaten to raze the universe--I like to be begged, and your comment pleased me.

Also, I kind of like the idea of Australia being the only thing in existence. Just an island and NOTHING ELSE AT ALL. (Would you like for me to save a little beach\ocean for you as well?)

[disdainty.livejournal.com]

yes, if it were the only thing on the planet then it could float around at free will and it would be FANTASTIC! (i do not like sand very much so you don't have to save any beaches or even whales though i do like whales)