stupid pet tricks

So I says to myself this morning, I says, "Self, you are three minutes away from the local Petsmart and you need to get a name tag for your accidental dog Gilly, and sure, you just walked out of the Red Cross after donating platelets and you're supposed to take it easy for the rest of the day, but you've been doing this for years now and you're always fine after you donate (even on the day you forgot you had to work at a bookstore afterwards!), and if you feel kind of lousy and require a two-hour nap when you get home that's probably just psychosomatic anyway, and besides, all you have to do is walk in the front door of the Petsmart because the tag machine is right there!" And having listened to this triumphant and convincing argument, I turned in the direction of Petsmart, forgetting for the moment the fact that it is never a good idea to listen to myself when it comes to matters of my health and safety: I am way too cavalier/clumsy with both.

And I went in Petsmart, paid for the tag without incident, and started having trouble concentrating as I entered the information into the machine to get it engraved, and then my vision went kind of fuzzy and then I was gripping the edges of the engraving machine going "no no no no" to myself, and the next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes and feeling all clammy and staring at the ceiling, with about a billion people staring down at me. Have you ever been to a Petsmart on a sunny Saturday afternoon? If you have, then you know I am hardly even exaggerating about the number of people gawking and offering friendly and sympathetic hands. Petsmart on a Saturday afternoon is crowded, you guys. And it is an embarrassing thing to wake up and realize that you've just fainted in front of all of them. I'm just lucky, I guess, that they didn't let their dogs lick me.

So they sat me down in a chair and made me drink something, and checked me out for fall injuries, and a very kind older couple stayed with me for a few minutes offering up a few stories of other people they'd witnessed passing out (it was a surprising number! And here I would like to take a moment to be grateful that I didn't pass out in the parking lot like one of their friends!) and also of donating blood, and then one of the employees walked me to my car and begged me to call someone to let them know I was on my way home, and this seemed to me to be a very Sound Idea (although again, I am clearly not the best judge of Sound Ideas), so I did, and I made it home without incident, and I am writing this from my bed, sipping cherry limeade from Sonic on the tail end of a long and satisfying nap. I am pleased to report that I'm none the worse for my experience, and I hope a lot wiser. (I won't share with you the lessons I've learned today -- they're probably much clearer to you than they are even to me!) And all those people at Petsmart have a story to tell.

And on the plus side, Gilly is now all tagged up. The tag's even spelled right and everything! Good to know I kept on point throughout the whole staggeringly humiliating incident.