I have a college degree and everything!

I may or may not be able to post this--we'll just be seeing about that--but I did want to take a brief moment to relate to you two things that I did today, written, for a change, from the POV of my Inner Voice.

1. Oh noooooooo I broke my car! It won't move even though I have my foot on the gas pedal! No matter how much I press! It just revs and revs! I will have to get a tow truck! I will have to call to see if I can borrow my parents' car! I can't afford major car repairs! But no amount of revving is helpi--oh. Okay, next time put the car into gear before you freak out, genius.



2. Shit, this egg isn't even close to boiled. I think I'll stick it into the microwave in five-second intervals, since I know that if eggs will explode if you put them in the microwave. Five-four-three.... But how do I know for sure that they really explode? Because I've heard it but I've never seen it, and it might just be an urban legend. Now I really want to know! I'll set for a minute... HAHAHAHAHAHAH IT REALLY DOES EXPLODE! AFTER ONLY FIFTEEN SECONDS! My God, microwave ovens rock so completely that I don't even care that I'm going to die of brain cancer by sitting here in front of it watching eggs explode.
   
   But will I really get brain cancer, or is that just an urban legend?