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1. At dinner I was talking about a story I heard on NPR yesterday: "Did you know," I said to the table at large, "that maple trees will explode if they're left untapped?" Everyone was fascinated, and I started to relate the report in detail, the exploding trees, the history of deaths, how some historians posit that the puritans' discovery of the sweetness of maple syrup was one of the things that contributed to the wane of the hold puritanism had on the early settlers, but before I even got that far we got suspicious; and the more I thought about it--the man building a maple coffin for a son who'd been decapitated, the children's song with the lyrics about trees blowing sky-high--the more I was convinced I'd been had, and sure enough, as soon as I got back home, I checked their website and found this. -_- Oh, well. I freely admit that I am gullible. But so was everybody else at that table!
2. At the bookstore, I was working at a register and a man asked me to double-bag his books. "Sure," I said, and because I wanted to know how he wanted me to double-bag them, I asked, "were you wanting them double-bagged for strength or against the weather?" (Because it is NEVER GOING TO STOP RAINING EVER AGAIN.) He glared at me for fully five seconds, which if you don't think this is a long time to stare silently at someone, you are quite mistaken, and then said, with a slightly hostile inflection, "I. Want. You. To. Double. Bag. Them." So I did, and I hope the handles broke on him, but in the telling, it's a little more funny than upsetting.
3. Also at the store, a fit-looking older couple came up bearing five copies of a single magazine. I asked them if they were in it, and they said that they weren't, but their daughter was, and did I want to see? I mean, you can't say no, right? So I dutifully peered at what I thought was a typical fashion layout, an extremely attractive pair draped decoratively over each other, and was suitably impressed by their daughter's beauty, and then I realized who the guy was and what I was looking at. "Wait," I said, "Your daughter's marrying Ron Livingston?" And indeed she was. "Lucky girl," I said, and then, after a slight pause, continued, "but I bet he's lucky too!" They agreed that he was lucky, albeit in tones that suggested I paused a little too long before saying this.
:::
I am moving tomorrow, and as usual, I am going to be spending the final twelve hours packing frantically; I'll be up all night. I have my 20-ounce coffee at my elbow, and the DVDs will be the last box I tape up, but I am begging you: entertain me! Tell me a good story you've heard recently, and I will, like Emma Woodhouse, laugh merrily at each one as it comes, and thereby will I stay awake tonight.
2. At the bookstore, I was working at a register and a man asked me to double-bag his books. "Sure," I said, and because I wanted to know how he wanted me to double-bag them, I asked, "were you wanting them double-bagged for strength or against the weather?" (Because it is NEVER GOING TO STOP RAINING EVER AGAIN.) He glared at me for fully five seconds, which if you don't think this is a long time to stare silently at someone, you are quite mistaken, and then said, with a slightly hostile inflection, "I. Want. You. To. Double. Bag. Them." So I did, and I hope the handles broke on him, but in the telling, it's a little more funny than upsetting.
3. Also at the store, a fit-looking older couple came up bearing five copies of a single magazine. I asked them if they were in it, and they said that they weren't, but their daughter was, and did I want to see? I mean, you can't say no, right? So I dutifully peered at what I thought was a typical fashion layout, an extremely attractive pair draped decoratively over each other, and was suitably impressed by their daughter's beauty, and then I realized who the guy was and what I was looking at. "Wait," I said, "Your daughter's marrying Ron Livingston?" And indeed she was. "Lucky girl," I said, and then, after a slight pause, continued, "but I bet he's lucky too!" They agreed that he was lucky, albeit in tones that suggested I paused a little too long before saying this.
:::
I am moving tomorrow, and as usual, I am going to be spending the final twelve hours packing frantically; I'll be up all night. I have my 20-ounce coffee at my elbow, and the DVDs will be the last box I tape up, but I am begging you: entertain me! Tell me a good story you've heard recently, and I will, like Emma Woodhouse, laugh merrily at each one as it comes, and thereby will I stay awake tonight.
