Alleged conversation

[constance]

Imagine there is someone at work you get along really well with. Someone you have a friend-crush on, a crush as in, Man I Would So Love To Hang Out With You But I Am Too Shy To Ask If You Want To Go To Dinner. You love talking about books and movies with him and you share a lot of the same tastes, but more importantly, you like these things you have in common for the same reasons. He thinks Ayn Rand is a lunatic! What more could one want in a potential friend?

Right, with me so far?

Now imagine that you have just tentatively confessed your love for Harry Potter and your eagerness to read the new book--this is a love you prefer to keep under wraps with the large portions of the population you're afraid might ask uncomfortable questions--and WOW HE IS A BIG HARRY POTTER FAN. He mentions that he's read the books and that he travels so much that he wants them on audio but audible doesn't carry them (incredulous, you have since checked the veracity of this statement, and not only does audible not have them, but they have a whole email address devoted to requests for HP on audio) and every time he goes to the library they're checked out.

Still following? Okay, so imagine the following exchange.

You: Oh! I have them on audio! I can make copies for you if you want.

He: Would you? That would be the best thing ever!

You: Sure! I'll get the first four to you tomorrow, because they're all huge mp3s, but the last one will take a few days because it's on 23 CDs and I'll have to convert them for you.

He: Well, the first four will keep me busy for a while. Now which is the last one? Is that the one with the maze?

You: No, it's the one where Sirius dies.

He: ...

You: ...

He: ...

You: OH MY GOD. You have not read that one.

He: O_o I GUESS NOT.

Comments

[kickthebeat.livejournal.com]

Oh my gosh, Cammy. :o DOES HE STILL WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND?

[tofty.livejournal.com]

I DO NOT KNOW I AM AFRAID TO ASK.

[kickthebeat.livejournal.com]

Percy would be tempted to take points from your house for that kind of heartbreak, Cammy. :|

[tofty.livejournal.com]

That boy Percy, every now and then he as good instincts. It is a good thing Hufflepuff never wins.

Though this might well be enough to get me kicked out of Hufflepuff FOREVER.

[kickthebeat.livejournal.com]

as Professor SNAPE, THOUGH, you could just wave it off and hover down the hallway in your long black robes. I like that idea, as well, for many reasons. :x

Also, I must agree: released two years ago! He should know this by now. That is a LOT OF TIME IN WHICH TO READ THE BOOK.

[tofty.livejournal.com]

The True Head of Slytherin house would say, in his dulcet British accent, Ah, fuck him.

Clearly, I am no Sytherin! I am sadly not even British.

[bowdlerized.livejournal.com]

You totally just earned a demerit.

[tofty.livejournal.com]

A demerit? Man, I earned a week's detention with Umbridge, hold the murtlap essence.

I feel terrible, and I've been trying to comfort myself today, and justify my dumbassedness--it is two years after the release! I tell myself, and he said he was a fan!!!--but the truth is that I am just a dumbass.

[bowdlerized.livejournal.com]

It's okay, we still love you! It has been two years, after all.

[bowdlerized.livejournal.com]

...not that we would have ceased to love you had it only been a year and a half, say.

<3333333

[tofty.livejournal.com]

ahahahahahahaa, what is that cutoff, do you think? I am totally putting it into my Outlook calendar.

*scratches chin thoughtfully*

[bowdlerized.livejournal.com]

If you start spoiling him for Halfblood Prince before July is over...then I don't know even you, man. Who are you?

Re: *scratches chin thoughtfully*

[tofty.livejournal.com]

Re: *scratches chin thoughtfully*

[bowdlerized.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE PLAYING WITH FIRE HERE, MISSY

Re: *scratches chin thoughtfully*

[tofty.livejournal.com]

*collapses on the floor*

I would never!!! The reminder was actually meant to be something along the lines of IF YOU SPOIL HBP THEN YOU WILL MAKE BOW ANGRY AND OMG THAT IS THE LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO.

No, I mean it! It's true!

[luthien.livejournal.com]

OMG! *snort*

Now, see, my first reaction was not: "ARGH! You MAJORLY spoiled him! How could you?!" My first reaction was: "What sort of HP fan doesn't know the most recent book was published *two years ago*?"

Apart from that stunning oversight, he sounds like good value. ;-)

[tofty.livejournal.com]

AHAhahaha! I had just the opposite reaction--my first thought was oh my god I have ruined his life FOREVER. And it was only later that I thought, man, surely after two years I have amnesty? I mean, I have spent so long among people who have the book completely finished by the middle of the second day after its release that it honestly didn't occur to me that he might not have read it.

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

You totally have amnesty! I mean, I totally see how you might feel mortified because you're a nice person who'd never set out to spoil someone's book-reading experience, but wow, 2 years? I'm all for amnesty after 6 months, but then I harbor a vast amount of resentment toward my best friend for having (a) flaked out on the midnight book 6-nabbing adventure AT 11:45pm AT THE BOOKSTORE!!!1! and THEN adding insult to injury by continuing to maintain that she "loves" the series and is a "longtime fan" but then DOESN'T EVER READ THE BOOK and only gives the flimsy excuse that she "doesn't want to read it because then she'll have to wait too long till the next one comes out and also, she wants to delay the gratification" lie lie lie prevaricate fib falsehood ad infinitum. In actuality, she just doesn't care much about HP anymore because the kid who got her into it is now a disaffected preteen who's both physically and emotionally grown out of his "Muggles for Harry Potter" t-shirt, and also because she's overextended herself in the volunteer work arena and can't finish ANY book except those darned feng shui mysteries.

But I digress, and with excessive capslock. This seems to be a day for venting! Yes, amnesty. I read the book knowing who died, and it didn't spoil the enjoyment for me! He will be all right! <3

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

Goodness. Two totalies in the first 8 words. Could she be a semi-literate person from, like, totally California? Omigod!

[tofty.livejournal.com]

I have amnesty! Yes! You have decided, I agree, and it is done.

*feels better*

You still have every right to resent your friend! Losing interest is marginally acceptable, but losing interest at the premiere party and then pretending that you still have some sort of investment in it is just silly. Why bother? >:O

And surely I have totally made it clear that I am RIGHT AT HOME among the totallies and the CAPSLOCK! If I haven't made it clear, then wow, have I totally not been DOING MY JOB.

[coco-palmolive.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA, I am so pleased that your friends lists are so spoiler-considerate that everyone's first response is OH WHAT A TERRIBLE WAY FOR HIM TO FIND OUT. And then only after do they say, wait a minute, it has been two years. HAHAHAHAHA. What a terrible way for him to find out. But really. I think that the spoiler window is six months, tops.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[tofty.livejournal.com]

I KNOW! I feel that I have found my people here! Well, I felt it before, but this puts it all in sharp relief: "I AM AGHAST HEY WAIT A MINUTE" is a response I can understand entirely.

:*:*:*:*:*:*

[somniesperus.livejournal.com]

I SHOULD NOT LAUGH AT THE END OF YOUR POST. THAT WOULD BE INSENSITIVE AND BAD.

THIS IS ME NOT LAUGHING.

[tofty.livejournal.com]

Well, he lives out of town, so maybe dinner is not really practical. Maybe I will try to work myself up to a nice lunch instead.

And go ahead and laugh! I laughed too--horrified, OMG-what-a-moron-I-am-type laughter, sure, but still. Purty funny!

[disdainty.livejournal.com]

OMG CAMMY LMAO OH NO. invite him to dinner as an apology :D

[tofty.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, now there's an idea. :-?

[dahlia-777.livejournal.com]

OK, so he declared himself a huge fan of HP, told you he was dying to hear the books repeated on audio, and acted all excited about you making him copies.

There is NO WAY you could have guessed he didn't know what happened to Sirius!

I hereby declare you Not Guilty of spoilering.

[tofty.livejournal.com]

*celebrates acquittal by firing gun into crowd*