Warehousing refugees since...always, I guess.

[constance]

One of the terrible things that happened this summer that I didn't really want to talk about in detail for various reasons was that my mother's long-term (30+ years) BFF died. My mother has been taking D's death very hard; she's sort of a pollyanna and softhearted to boot, and so the way she deals with wasting illness is to refuse to admit it's terminal until the very end, and then, at the very end, it feels lightning-fast to her, sudden and completely unexpected even when it shouldn't be. It happened with her friend D, and it happened with my grandmother, and I wish there were something I could do to prepare her for things like this, not so much because I tend to be more realistic about these things and feel that's the way everyone should be, but because I hate to see my mother so desperately shocked and lost as she is when she loses someone she really loves.

All this is backstory for the fact that she called me today in a fever of upset from Dallas (where she's been visiting my baby niece) because she just found out that D's husband, who's been great throughout D's illness and whose life seems to be falling apart in the aftermath, brought their Boston Terrier to a kennel when Hospice came in and never actually picked Norman up again afterwards. Norman, the BT, was D's darling, and her husband can't face having him in the house now that she's gone, and so Normie's been languishing at the (quite nice) boarder's for a month now. In fact, he's getting round to admitting that he really sort of wants to put Norman down, and my mother, who feels -- and rightfully so -- that D would not want her beloved dog put down, has been scrambling to rearrange her life to take him in.

But her house is full of greyhounds -- they only have two, but it's not a huge house, and all those legs and dog beds make for a tightly-packed house of dogs -- and so she thought I might like to have Norman. And I hadn't thought of getting another dog right away, and goodness knows I can't afford one right now, but she wants to pay for Normie's upkeep, and I can't resist a pet in need, really, because that's the way I roll. And so I might be getting another dog, my first Little Black Dog, if D's husband is willing.

Part of me accepts that things like this happen. I do understand that grief hits everyone in different ways, that taking care of a pet that someone you love has treasured might be a labor of love, might be a tribute or a duty to that person, or it might be an unbearable reminder of your loss. I do understand that something that might seem easy or welcome for someone might seem impossible to someone else. And, hey, not everyone wants a dog, not even people who've spent the last twenty years living with one dog or another. I understand, and I said all these things to my overset mother, but you know, that doesn't really mean that I don't want to call D's husband and say SUCK IT UP, YOU, AND GO PICK UP YOUR GODDAMNED DOG WHO NEEDS YOU. I won't, I wouldn't, but I'm just saying.

God. At the end of this unequivocally shitty summer, I want some good news. I want my people to sit on the couch with me, all of them -- it won't be that crowded, I don't know that many people -- and after we all cry on each other's shoulders for a while, those of us who need it, I want us all to take stock and remind each other that we're still together and we still love each other, we're still around, and that means something.

It does, doesn't it?

Comments

[ainsley.livejournal.com]

I just wrote an entry, which I may yet post, and the tone matched your tone here perfectly, and it all boiled down to what you have in your last two paragraphs.

*heads to your couch*

[tofty.livejournal.com]

I'm not seeing that you posted the entry, so maybe you changed your mind? At any rate, I'm happy to share the couch with you. :)

[ainsley.livejournal.com]

Nope--I bucked up, proved that I have ovaries of steel, and stuck it here (http://ainsley.livejournal.com/90391.html). Perhaps I should amend my previous statement to say the tone I felt when writing matched the tone I inferred here perfectly.

*plops down on the couch*

(Where is this couch? Region is okay; for some reason I think you're both in the US South and in the UK, which means I need remedial geography.)

[gmth.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It seems like everything is so hard lately. Norman will be a very lucky pup if you do end up taking him. Your heart is so big. I hope you get your good news soon.

[tofty.livejournal.com]

Now that the summer is over, things had better improve. What happens in summer ought to stay in summer, man. *hugs*

"I've had a rough year, Dad."

[coco-palmolive.livejournal.com]

Oh, Cam. I didn't know that Ms. D had passed away, too, and I am so very sorry for you and especially your mother. She was an exceptional woman.

It's good to know you're out there, doing the right and uncomfortable thing. It's not that much consolation being right when you have just stepped in shit or chased down an escapee or stared exasperatedly at the dog hair on every single surface, but I guess in those moments maybe you just know you are doing your best and cut yourself some slack. I hope, anyway.

I don't know. Love endures? There are always the small pleasures of the first cool morning of the autumn and the smell of apples and the pleasure of sitting in a room with someone you've known most of your life and not saying anything.

I was talking about your grandmother and her sons last time I was home to someone who knew them distantly, and there is pleasure in that, too, the way you get connected to places and people without meaning to or realizing it. It is bracing and grounding and feels permanent, even if it really isn't.

I miss you. We need to see each other again soon.

Re: "I've had a rough year, Dad."

[tofty.livejournal.com]

Have you been chasing down escapees too? :O

I tell you what, it's weird, being back, where so many of my people know each other apart from me. It's the only place I've ever been where that's happened to me, where I can meet someone and they ask me if I'm x's daughter or y's niece or z's granddaughter, and I AM. It is unexpectedly grounding, you're right, and disconcerting too.

I would really like to sit in a room with you and not talk. I miss you too, so very much.

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

Sorry about your mom and her friend. I suspect a lot more pets die when their people do than we'd like to think about. :(

[tofty.livejournal.com]

You're right, they do. I'm not always in a position to do anything but lament it, so I'm glad I might be able to do something about this one. :/

[amelia-eve.livejournal.com]

I can't come give you a hug right now, so you will just have to accept one from Norman on my behalf. It's a nice connection for your mom, as well as saving Norman, you know. Sometimes family chooses us and not the other way around.

[tofty.livejournal.com]

Yes, and sometimes the unexpected connections are the strongest. I know my mother would love to think that she's got a small part of D in Norman, and I'm as happy to do this for her as I am to do it for D.

Boston Terriers are especially good at affection, so I think Norman's hug by proxy will probably be a really good one. :)

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

You and yours are way, way overdue for some good news, and I'm hoping with all my might that you get some. You have a truckload of good karma scheduled to be delivered soon, don't you? Sure seems like it.

You're a wonderful person for agreeing to take Norman, and, should this LBD transfer take place, he'll be a very lucky dog to have you as his caregiver. I'm still grappling with D's husband's inability to deal with Norman, because I'm guessing that for me, the dog's presence would provide solace, not a burden or a heartbreak. But I guess we're all different. Aieee...

[tofty.livejournal.com]

I am going to call the karma delivery people tonight to find out if there's been some sort of accident or something. -_-

I'm still grappling with D's husband's inability to deal with Norman

I'm grappling too, obviously. I don't think I'd ever even think about doing anything but keeping the pet, even if it was more or less my partner's pet, and it would be a solace for me as well. Sometimes it's hard to keep people's differences in mind.

[dahlia-777.livejournal.com]

Oh T. I got a bit choked up reading this. I guess it's partly that my best friend means so much to me that I immediately felt so bad for your mother, even though I don't know her or her friend. But also it's the thought of you taking in Norman. Deciding to take in a dog-in-need seems so very you, and it's probably the best way of getting a new one too. Going out and actively finding a new dog is one thing, but acquiring one in this fashion just sounds right to me. I'm trying to visualise a Boston Terrier. They're *very* small, right?

[tofty.livejournal.com]

Yes, they're very small, at least to my eyes. And I feel terribly for my mother, too, who has seemed so diminished by the loss of D. I can only imagine what any of this must be like; luckily, I've never lost a parent or a very dear friend, and I hope never to. (Translation: EVERYONE MUST OUTLIVE ME THANK YOU.)