Things To Do When I Rule the World

1. Make every American participating in Our Glorious Free Market System work six months in (a) retail and (b) food service, thereby giving everyone a thorough understanding of what exactly these guys put up with on a daily basis. People who don't shop or eat out are exempt.


2. Similarly, make every entitled Social Darwinist in existence live as a minimum-wage-earning single mother of three for two years. SDs who have tugged themselves out of poverty by their proverbial bootstraps are required to participate in a six-month refresher course.


3. Abolish people incapable of using their turn signals from the roads.


4. Tax everyone one oatmeal raisin cookie or tuna sandwich (taxpayer's choice) during their lifetime.