I think...well, I think I agree with everyone else, about calling the local council on aging. Then maybe ask her if she might like some help, and would she like you to call social services to check in on her from time to time? You could do that without her permission, but I think you run the risk of upsetting her. It's up to you to decide if you care if/when she gets upset, though; I personally would risk it, but you might have a different perspective. I do think that the key is getting involved without getting involved.
And if you DO get involved, to make sure you place direct limits on what you're willing to offer. Don't say, "Is there anything I can do?" The answer might very well be "Help me clean up." Instead, "May I offer suggestions on new apartments?" tells her exactly you are willing to do.
I'm currently in a weird situation in which I moved out of my apartment, stayed with a friend for a week, then housesat for two other friends for a total of 27 days, then signed a lease on an apartment, then moved in, then moved out three days later, and am now housesitting again until the 9th. I am, in effect, homeless, in that I do not have a place of my own in which to live. But this is a highly different situation, since I have the money and the presence of mind to find a new apartment (I just lack the time, what with classes starting tomorrow and my two course syllabi not yet finished). I also have friends who are delighted to have me as a houseguest if I do the cooking all week or trade for a couple nights' babysitting. But the similarity is that many of them have asked, "Is there anything I can do?" And it's hard for me to answer, because I need someone to fix it, and I don't know where the limits to what people are offering me - are they offering to help me look through the newspaper for an apartment, or do they really have a spare room they'd be willing to let me stay in for a few weeks?
Again, this isn't even remotely a comparable situation, but my point is that it's hard to ask for help even when people offer if you are afraid of exceeding a limit that you don't know is there. So offer her something specific that meets your time, finances, and emotional capability - not a general "if you need anything."
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Date: 2007-09-04 03:43 am (UTC)And if you DO get involved, to make sure you place direct limits on what you're willing to offer. Don't say, "Is there anything I can do?" The answer might very well be "Help me clean up." Instead, "May I offer suggestions on new apartments?" tells her exactly you are willing to do.
I'm currently in a weird situation in which I moved out of my apartment, stayed with a friend for a week, then housesat for two other friends for a total of 27 days, then signed a lease on an apartment, then moved in, then moved out three days later, and am now housesitting again until the 9th. I am, in effect, homeless, in that I do not have a place of my own in which to live. But this is a highly different situation, since I have the money and the presence of mind to find a new apartment (I just lack the time, what with classes starting tomorrow and my two course syllabi not yet finished). I also have friends who are delighted to have me as a houseguest if I do the cooking all week or trade for a couple nights' babysitting. But the similarity is that many of them have asked, "Is there anything I can do?" And it's hard for me to answer, because I need someone to fix it, and I don't know where the limits to what people are offering me - are they offering to help me look through the newspaper for an apartment, or do they really have a spare room they'd be willing to let me stay in for a few weeks?
Again, this isn't even remotely a comparable situation, but my point is that it's hard to ask for help even when people offer if you are afraid of exceeding a limit that you don't know is there. So offer her something specific that meets your time, finances, and emotional capability - not a general "if you need anything."